Confessions

It’s hard to write sometimes and I envy those who make it look so easy. The ones who can so expertly spin gold out of only a few black threads; creating literary miracles that leave your mind in a lasting state of wonder. It’s okay to be honest, right? Sometimes I hate my inability to sink into that meditative state of focus without willfully getting distracted by social media or some other trivial thing. I should actually hate that I ever allowed myself to be drawn away and disenchanted with writing at times.

But it’s okay to confess, isn’t it? That procrastinating can feel so cathartic — an oblivion that numbs every worrying thought — until I’m faced with the responsibility of exercising this flaccid writing muscle. I know I can be lazy. I don’t want to be bothered. I can’t be bothered…
I used to be comfortable feeling this way; I don’t have to do it today, there’s always tomorrow. Now that sense of complacency bothers. I won’t wait until tomorrow, but I’m irritated whenever I can’t get the words out the way I need to. The way I know I can if only I tried a little harder…

I don’t know how long I’ll keep at this writing thing, but I know it’ll be long enough to keep improving. Until I can slam the door in procrastination’s pretty face and determinedly sit, with my thoughts and an open book, on this chair of torture that bruises my backside like a seat of nails.

Even when I don’t feel like it, I’ll write. I’ll write until the words make sense and I figure out what my voice in words can truly sound like. For now, it seems to me like a clumsy staccato that’ll eventually build a steady tempo. And I’ll keep writing to fine-tune that sound into something that I’ll always love and other’s can come to appreciate too. Until I can make my own gold. Until I can give someone else, who knows all too well what this slump feels like, a little hope that they can make it too. As long as they keep trying.

10 thoughts on “Confessions

  1. Same, it’s always like if I can’t do it today I’ll do it tomorrow. And I was kinda alright with this attitude, but now I get so angry at myself if I can’t come up with something! Besides, i see other people’s fancy ass poems and then all I wonder is how?! But I guess you should keep going..

    Liked by 1 person

    • It all starts with a little determination and a lot of practice. And many of these poets and writers we look up to started off just like us. So sometimes that’s what I use to give me hope that I’ll get there too as long as I keep at it.

      Now that your perspective has changed, I’m sure you’ll get there too. 💖 We just keep trying and keep moving forward 🤗

      Like

  2. And you say writing is hard to you when all I see is a flow of thought unrivalled by non?

    You write well and your flow is catchy…almost obsessive…to miss your read is to bypass beauty and later wonder why you did…keep on enjoying the backrest of nails till it sure knows that diamond is made from beautiful pressure upon graphite.

    Keep on wtiting!

    Liked by 1 person

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